Warped
by Hoshi-Naito
Summary: So let me get this straight, Sakura's in love with Naruto, Sasuke's Ino's fanboy, and Kakashi's GAY!" "Exactly." "WTH!" Sometimes it takes being thrown into an alternate reality to make you appreciate your life. Or majorly freak you out. SxS SxT NxT NxH


**XD **_**The plot bunnies are back! But they brought me a new story instead of a new chapter! Oh well. I might as well get some use of it. No, I haven't given up on Festival Madness or Cell Mates. I just thought of this and the plot bunnies aren't going to leave me alone until I start typing it. And if they're still in my brain working on this then I'll never get any new chapters for my other stories! I'm really sorry about how long it's taking me to do anything, but school's started back up and I really need to keep my math grade up this year, so I'm spending more time on homework than ever. Sorry. On top of that, I'm fighting a war against writer's block. And the plot bunnies have all but abandoned me until now! Again, gomen nasai! Weird as it may sound, I actually write more often during the school year (probably because I turn my brain off in the summer), so I hope to write more for all my stories very soon. Anywhoo, Tobi!**_

**Tobi: "Tobi is a good boy! And Hoshi-chan is a good girl who admits that she doesn't own Naruto! Masashi Kishimoto-san owns it!"**

_**Arigatou! Read and review please!**_

Summary: "So let me get this straight. Sakura's in love with Naruto, Sasuke's Ino's fanboy, and Kakashi's GAY?!" "Exactly." Sometimes it takes being thrown into an alternate reality to make you appreciate your life.

Pairings: SasuSaku (main), ShikaTema , slight NejiTen, and slight NaruHina, and mentionings of other pairings

WARNING: If any other pairings make your blood boil, then try to be calm. As described in the summary, they are thrown into an alternate reality where they meet their doppelgangers who are all WAY OOC and with the wrong people! But it ends with the above pairings.

**Chapter One:**

**How We Got Ourselves into This Mess**

Onyx eyes opened a hair as the foggy world became clearer. A hand rose slowly to brush raven locks out of view. The dark orbs moved to see pink hair fanned out on the bed next to him. They followed the pink hair to the beautiful girl it was attached to. Her skin was the most elegant cream color, and she had the slightest smile on her soft, pink lips.

He still found it hard to believe that it had been over a year. A year since he had returned home for good.

Yes, that's right. Sasuke came back. Konoha's little black sheep had wandered home at last. Orochimaru and Itachi were now dead, along with Danzo. Now that had caused some problems. The people of the village did not seem to feel the need to believe the "traitor" when he had told them that it was Danzo who had ordered Uchiha Itachi to massacre his clan. However they could no longer deny the truth when Konoha's Cherry Blossom herself had dug up and old document stating that Itachi had agreed to be the one to take out the Uchiha clan with the promise that his younger brother, Sasuke, would live.

With that, they bickered for days about what to do with the Uchiha boy, imprisoned at the time, until it was finally decided that he would be allowed to live, but would be under close watch of the ANBU for at least a year. Should he ever betray them again, though, he would suffer the death penalty. However this time Sasuke had no intentions of doing anything stupid. He just wanted to have his life back.

The raven haired boy, or rather man, since he was now over eighteen, supposed he still did owe Sakura for saving his ass from the village elders' wrath. He definitely didn't want to die yet, and he hadn't wanted to die then either. If she hadn't agreed to snoop around in the classified files and find proof to back up what Sasuke had learned, they'd probably have had his head chopped off publicly just because they hated his guts. Not that Tsunade would have allowed that, but they may have even done it post-mortem if they couldn't while he was to be killed.

A pale hand reached up to stoke pink locks back behind the ear of the sleeping girl- no woman. Sakura had matured into a beautiful young woman while he had been gone. She also had grown even more kind hearted then he remembered, even if she had developed a bad temper. She had stayed with him a lot during his probation, especially since he was practically under house arrest most of the time, because him going out a lot might have caused a fight to break out, something Sasuke could not afford. Naruto and Kakashi had visited often as well. It seemed like Team 7 was back and stronger than ever.

There had been a new addition or two though. Yamato was fine, Sasuke thought him to be a bit strange, but then again the rest of his team was strange too. However he was very welcoming towards Sasuke, strangely enough. Oh well, at least Yamato didn't hate his guts like half of Konoha now did.

It was the other addition that bothered him. Sai. Sai was a problem. Sasuke already hated Sai as soon as he found out that he was his replacement. Why exactly did the village officials feel that he needed replaced? And with some emotionless bastard who had the never to call _his_ Sakura-chan Ugly? That was simply unacceptable.

"Sakura-chan, it's time to wake up. We have a mission today."

"Five more minutes?"

He chuckled. He and Sakura had been together since about five and a half months after his return. Needless to say, they were both glad when his probation was up and they could finally have some privacy. It had been about two months since he became a free man and they had been sleeping together for about two weeks. Sasuke found himself spending less and less time at his apartment and more time at her house. Sakura had stayed in her parents' house. Her mother had recently passed away, her father having died in the war with the Village Hidden in the Clouds. She couldn't bear to sell it so she moved back in. Sasuke figured it was only a matter of time before he asked her to marry him and she could raise her own children here.

"No Sakura, we need to get up now or everyone will scold us for being late. Kakashi-sensei is going to be there to see us off, and you know what he'll start saying we were doing."

Sakura pulled the covers up over her head. "Ugh. Let the stupid pervert say what he wants. I need more sleep."

Sasuke sighed. "Alright then. I guess I'll just make breakfast for myself, and you can just get some cereal when you get up."

She slowly pulled the covers down, only to reveal a pout. "You're so mean Sasuke-kun."

He smirked. "I'm not mean, you're just being lazy."

Sakura stuck her tongue out playfully at him. He just smiled one of his rare genuine smiles, the ones he reserved only for her, and brought his finger underneath her chin to lift it up. Sasuke brought his lips down upon hers and kissed her gently.

Sakura smiled then sighed. "Alright, I'll get up," she said in a slightly grumbling voice.

"That's my girl. Now go get a shower and I'll start breakfast."

"Kay." The tired woman got up and stretched out her arms, yawning, before grabbing clothes and heading for the bathroom.

Sasuke had showered the previous night, so he just put on some clothes and went downstairs to get breakfast started, but first, coffee. That was always the first thing made when Sasuke and Sakura got up. Sakura loved to put lots of sugar and cream in their favorite caffeinated beverage, while Sasuke drank his black. After all, sweets weren't his thing, and getting up was not Sakura's.

Today's mission was going to be extra annoying because of all the people involved. The mission was simple, escort Sabaku-no-Temari back to Sunagakure and return home safely. Super simple, right? Wrong. You see normally Temari traveled back and forth between the two villages alone, but there is a new gang of rouge ninjas going around assassinating important people from the shinobi nations.

So of course, Gaara requested that Tsunade send a team along with his sister to make sure she doesn't get ambushed. Well, that would've been simple enough because Tsunade knows that Gaara would trust his best friend, Naruto, along with Sakura to keep his sister safe. But there are always complications. Gaara was not entirely sire, however, that he trusted Sasuke or Sai. So Tsunade decided to send Neji Tenten, and Lee along, since Gaara trusted them as well, or at least enough to keep an eye on Sasuke and Sai while protecting his sister. Problem solved, right?

Wrong again. You see, Shikamaru and Temari have been dating for a little over a year now so he had requested to go along, and ease his mind to her safety. One more person, that was no big deal. But then of course Ino and Chouji decided that it wasn't fair that Shikamaru was going and not them, and besides, Ino was Temari's friend. And thus, Team 10 was added to the ever-growing list of people going on this mission.

And when they were all gathered to be briefed for the mission, just when you'd think they were in the clear, Team 8 storms into Tsunade's already cramped office (a nearly impossible task I can assure you). Kiba started ranting about how it wasn't fair that everyone else got to go but they were being kept out of the action. Shino was pouting about how he's never included in anything, not even missions. And Hinata politely added that they would all be gone for a week (three days to get there, one day to relax, and another three to get back), and since she and Naruto had just started dating last month she would miss him terribly.

Sasuke was still in shock that the Dobe had actually caught onto the fact that the Hyuuga girl liked him and finally asked her out. It was a surprise to everyone (especially Hinata who fainted), but a pleasant one he supposed. Perhaps the Hyuuga girl could get him to calm down and sit still every once in a while. Not likely, he supposed.

So it ended up being all of the Rookie Nine, Team Gai (minus Gai because the jounin were on their own missions), Sai, and of course Temari. That was fourteen people in all. It was going to be a _very_ long week.

"Mmm! That smells good Sasuke!"

"Aa."

And so the two finished up their breakfast, grabbed their bags, and headed for the village gates.

"Morning Sakura! Morning Teme!"

"Good morning, Naruto," said Sakura with a smile.

"Dobe." Sasuke nodded.

"You know, Teme, it wouldn't kill you to greet me with a 'Good morning' every once in a while."

"You know, Dobe, it wouldn't kill you to be quiet every once in a while."

"Teme! Why I ought to!"

"**Shut up, Naruto! It's too early to be yelling!" **Another loud blonde was spotted approaching the village gates with a pineapple-headed boy, a dirty-blonde with a giant fan strapped to her back, and a chubby boy munching on some chips from the rather large bag of them he was carrying.

"Mendoukusai. You're the one yelling, Ino."

"Well maybe I'd be in a better mood if I didn't have to walk to Temari's hotel room this morning to help get you out of bed."

"Yeah sorry about that, Ino. I tried everything, and I do mean_ everything_ to get him out of bed this morning, but no dice." Temari glared at her lazy-ass boyfriend.

"You've got to be kidding me. She offered you morning sex and you chose to SLEEP! What kind of man _are_ you?!" Ino shrieked in his ear.

(Munch) "Beats me." (munch)

"Eww, thanks for _that_ mental image." Sakura made the gag me gesture.

"Oh like you and Sasuke didn't wake up naked in bed this morning."

"Eww! Thanks for _that_ mental image Ino!" Naruto cringed.

Shikamaru sighed. "Chouji, you're my best friend, you're supposed to be defending me, not siding with the PMSing blonde."

"I am NOT PMSing!"

(munch) "Yeah, but she makes a good point." (munch) "What guy in his right mind turns down sex with his girlfriend?" (munch)

"The kind that was kept up all night by said girlfriend who after, erm, you know half the night, woke me up at three in the morning after I finally got to sleep because she was craving some ice cream."

"Well excuse _me_, it's not my fault you don't have enough stamina to keep up with me all day. I guess men just don't do so well running on only a little sleep."

"Or you're just too mood swingy lately to notice how tired you are. It's a wonder you aren't exhausted from acting so bipolar the past couple of weeks."

"If I'm being so annoying then why did you even bother coming." Her voice was softer, and sounded like she had just been stung.

Shikamaru sighed and walked closer to her. He kissed Temari on the forehead. "Because as big of a pain as you are, I still love you, and I want to know for sure you make it home safely."

"Really?" He nodded. "Love you too." She snuggled into him as he wrapped his arms around her.

Onyx eyes shifted to see an analyzing look on the pinkette's face as she stared at Temari.

"Something wrong?"

Emerald met onyx, and her straight face turned into a small smile. "It's nothing. I just remembered that I need to talk to Temari about something. I'll wait until later, when she's not having a moment though."

"See, Lee, I _told_ you we wouldn't be the last ones here. Now stuff it, spandex boy!"

"Yosh! Now that I know we are not late, I can at last relax! But only for a moment, because as soon as Team 8 arrives, we begin our mission! I hope to show the power of youth by protecting them life of the ambassador from an ally nation!"

Lee was seen jogging forward, Tenten and Neji a bit behind holding hands. Sasuke had almost forgotten that those two have been dating even longer then Shikamaru and Temari. They aren't very touchy feely about it, and they seemed like a good match, so it didn't bother Sasuke to be around them when they are together, as opposed to the super happy lovey-dovey new boyfriend and girlfriend couples. Those always made him uncomfortable.

Speaking of uncomfortable, here comes Sai.

"Morning Dickless, Ugly, … Emo."

Sasuke just glared as Sakura thumped him on the back of the head, and Naruto growled.

"S-sorry we're late. Akamaru was f-feeling ill this morning, so it kind of slowed us down when we went to go g-get Kiba." Hinata was walking toward Naruto, while Shino, Kiba, and Akamaru stood at the end of the large group.

"Hinata-chan! Good morning!" yelled Naruto as he met her half way, planting a chaste kiss on her lips.

Hinata blushed and started playing with her hair, a new nervous habit of hers ever since she and Naruto started dating. "G-good morning, Naruto-kun."

"Well it's about time! We should be leaving by now!"

"Wait!" Kakashi appeared in a flurry of leaves. "I was supposed to see you off!"

"YOU'RE LATE AGAIN KAKSHI-SENSEI!" yelled Naruto and Sakura at the same time.

"Yes, but this time I have a valid excuse. Tsunade summoned me to her office last minute to pick up these." He held up a large envelope, carefully sealed with a paper seal that can only be opened with a certain jutsu.

"What is it?" asked Ino.

"They're papers with classified information on them. You'll be delivering these, along with Temari to the Kazekage safely, understood?"

"Yeah, yeah, just give us the envelope so we can go, Kakashi-sensei, we're already late," Naruto complained.

Kakashi handed over the envelope, and watched, waving, as they all left.

"Didn't Tsunade give you that last night?"

"Yes, but they don't need to know that." Kakashi smirked under his mask, turning around to face Anko. "Now, weren't we doing something before I had to come here?"

"I don't know. Maybe we should go back to my apartment and see if we can remember there?"

………..……………….0_0…………………………….

They had been walking for about five hours now, and it was really starting to get hot out. Naruto had taken off his jacket, revealing a black muscle shirt. Kiba had also taken his off and was in a grey tee-shirt. Sasuke and Neji had taken off their shirts, leaving Sakura and Tenten blushing, though you couldn't tell because they were already flushed from the heat. The weird thing was, the heat had come out of nowhere. It was just one of those random heat waves. Though, in all fairness, they really needed to toughen up if they were going to be in the desert, because taking off your shirt there might get you a _sand burn_.

…Wow. That sounded like one of Naruto's bad jokes.

Anyway, the point is it was very hot. And because it was very hot, people were complaining. And we all know how well complaining goes over with Uchihas.

"Ugh! Why is it so hooooooot?" whined a certain blonde.

"Stuff it, Ino. The rest of us are just as hot as you are," replied Sakura.

"Nu-uh! I'm the hottest person ever!" Ino stuck out her tongue at Sakura. Sakura mimicked her.

"I, for one, think that I'm hotter than both of you!" announced Naruto.

"Real mature you three," mocked Sasuke.

"Hey! I'm your girlfriend! Be nice to me!" Sakura scolded.

"I will when you act your age."

She just stuck her tongue out at him and walked off to talk to someone else. Sasuke watched her walk over to Temari and whisper something into her ear. Temari nodded.

"Hey guys, we're going to make a quick stop. Take a break to sit down and rest your feet. Get a drink or something. I'm going to talk with Sakura about something," announced Temari who gave Shikamaru one last quick peck on the cheek before following Sakura off a bit. Sasuke wondered what was going on, and if it had something to do with what Sakura said earlier.

After about ten minutes, Sakura returned with Temari, who had a dazed look on her face.

"Something, wrong, Tema?"

"Huh? Oh. No, nothings wrong, I'm just er, tired is all."

"Lack of sleep combined with the heat. I knew you'd start to wear down after a while. Come to think of it, you've been off a bit lately, are you feeling sick or something?"

"Uh, yeah, that's it. I've just been feeling a little queasy lately, nothing serious." She gave him a weak smile.

Shikamaru pressed his lips to her forehead, hugging her to him. "Feel better."

Temari's smile got bigger. "I'm feeling better already."

"Awww! That is so kawaii!" said Ino.

"Yeah." (munch) "Sure." (munch)

"Chouji! Do you _ever_ stop eating?"

"Yeah. (munch) I don't eat when I'm sleeping, (munch) or when I'm going to the bathroom. (munch)"

"Nevermind."

"Shouldn't we start walking again?" asked Neji.

"Hyuuga's right. If we want to get there on time, we need to keep going," stated Sasuke.

"But I'm still _tired_!" whined Ino.

"Oh, suck it up, Pig."

"I thought I told you not to call me Pig, Forehead!"

"I thought I told you not to call me Forehead, Pig!"

"Enough. You're bickering isn't going to make this trip any easier."

"Who died and made you the boss, Neji?" Ino retorted.

"With all do respect, Ino-san! I think that Neji has a point! All this name calling is childish! Which is like the bad form of youthfulness!"

Sakura sighed. "Lee's right. We're acting like a couple of ten year olds."

"Oh so when I say it, I get glares, but when Lee says it, he's right?"

"That's not what I meant Neji. And you got glared at because you were being rude. Lee was just trying to help. So do us all a favor and pull that stick out of your ass."

"Why you-!"

"This is why they place shinobi into groups of four and not groups of fourteen. They end up at each other's throats within hours."

"Oh so you don't want to be here with me, Sasuke?" questioned Sakura.

"Actually, right now I just want to get away from the blondes."

"HEY!!!" shouted Ino, Naruto, and Temari.

"What did I do?" asked the latter

"I wasn't talking about you, Temari."

"Oh well in that case…"

"DOUBLE HEY!!!"

"Well I personally just want to get away from captain smartass over hear," stated Sakura.

"That's it!"

"Easy there, Neji. The last thing we need right now is for a fight to break out between us. It'd make us sitting ducks," Tenten tried to calm down her boyfriend. "Besides, try to keep it in your minds that we're all tired and hot, and it's making us cranky. We're _all _irritable, so let's not point fingers."

"W-wow Tenten, you're p-pretty good at getting people to calm down. H-have you ever considered being an ambassador like Temari-san? I bet you'd be g-good at c-convincing people to get along. You're really nice."

"Wow! Thanks Hinata! I never really thought about it. But I think I'd prefer to just become a jounin. I hope to someday be able to train my own team of genin!" Tenten said cheerfully.

"Well, y-you'd probably be good at that too. You're good at settling arguments, and you know when to b-be firm about things."

"That settles it! I'm marrying Neji if for no other reason than to say I'm related-ish to someone as sweet as Hinata!"

"N-no! I-I'm not, I mean I!"

"Don't be so modest, Hina-chan! That's why I asked you out in the first place! You're the nicest person I've ever met!" Naruto said grinning.

"W-well I-I!" Hinata was redder than a tomato by now.

"Guys! Cut it out or the poor thing will pass out from embarrassment! Are you okay, Hinata?" asked the concerned medic nin.

"She really does need to work on that."

"Work on what Neji?" asked Tenten.

"Staying conscious."

"Oh come on! Would it kill you to be nice to your cousin for once Neji? It's not her fault she's shy!" yelled Naruto, getting frustrated with Neji's attitude.

"No, I mean it can't be good for her health. What if she fainted and hit her head off of something sharp?"

"Oh, I guess I never thought of it that way. She could get hurt."

"Guys."

"That's what I was saying. She needs to stop passing out or she might hurt herself."

"Guys."

"Oh. Sorry Neji. I didn't realize you were concerned. I thought you were making fun of her."

"Well I-

"GUYS!"

"What Shikamaru? Can't you see we're talking here?" asked Naruto.

"Um! Hello?! Mission? Suna? Ringing any bells?!"

"Well you don't have to be so rude about it," Sakura responded.

Shikamaru just face palmed.

Sasuke thought he heard something so he activated his Sharingun and started looking around. He couldn't hear anything though, because they were all now shouting at each other, he wasn't paying enough attention to know what about though.

Eventually, he was about to give up when he heard it again. "Would you all just shut up!"

Everyone turned to stare or glare at him, Sakura looking hurt, Hinata frightened, and most looking annoyed.

"I heard something, and if you Hyuuga's don't mind, oh I don't know, _helping_. I could use a hand or rather your Byakugan eyes in locating the source."

They all understood then why he was so tense. Each of them prepared for an attack. The two Hyuugas' Byakugan activated and everyone else grabbed a weapon on readied themselves to start making hand seals.

"There!" Naruto flung a kunai at a bush that rustled. He ran over and pulled back the leaves to reveal…

"A rabbit? Again, Naruto? You must really enjoy scaring woodland creatures," mocked Sakura.

"Smooth, Dobe."

"Why does this always happen to me?" Anime style tears were running down his cheeks.

"Way to go, Uchiha, you freaked us out about a bunny rabbit. Real scary," Kiba snorted.

"That isn't what I heard." His Sharingun was still blazing.

"Oh please, you just don't want to admit you were wrong."

"Inzuka I'm telling you-!"

Just then, a bright blue light engulfed them all, earning quite a few screams.

Sasuke tried to cover his eyes, but it was no use. Everything went black…

_**Well, that's all for now folks! Yeah I know, you hate me for the cliffy! But if you review, I just might continue! **_**XD**_** Cause I am not continuing this story if I don't get at least one! And you can whine all you want, but to me, not getting a single review is not fair! Come on people, I don't ask for much. Surely you can handle one. And the more I get, the more motivated I am and the sooner I update! So click the button! It'll only take like, ten seconds! Show the poor pathetic author some love! Lolz.**_

_**~Hoshi**_


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